Therapy for Couples
in Shoreview, Minnesota
and online across MN
To change the patterns that keep your relationship stuck.
You love each other, but you’ve fallen into an unhappy cycle you can’t seem to break.
At one time, you had a great relationship - you were in love and you only saw the good in your partner.
Then life happened. Minor disagreements or misunderstandings became arguments, then fights. You just had the same argument with your partner the two of you have had a hundred times. It doesn’t matter if it’s about the laundry, money, work, kids or the in-laws. You feel unheard, misunderstood, and invalidated. Trying to avoid yet another fight, you don’t engage.
Over time, the two of you fell out of sync. You find that you and your spouse are no longer on the same page, each disengaged in your own way, more like roommates than partners in life.
Relationship issues are common.
When two people come together and combine their lives, relationship issues are bound to surface.
From “you didn’t take out the garbage” to “kids missed their practice because you were late” to everything in between.
Disagreements, not seeing that two things can be right at the same time, unfair or unspoken expectations, and assumptions - all lead to stress and disconnection even in the most loving relationship.
As unaddressed issues pile up so do resentments, dissatisfaction, and hurt feelings.
Without resolution, a pattern of relating gets established over time that no one really wants.
The laughter, the teamwork, partnership? Feeling supported, heard, understood? That’s still possible.
Couples therapy creates
healthier relationship patterns.
Couples therapy will help you and your partner get under the surface to uncover what brought you both to this point in your relationship.
There is deeper stuff that neither of you want to talk about, yet is impacting both of you as individuals and your relationship: the unspoken expectations, half truths, and issues from your childhood and past relationships that come up at the most inopportune times.
We’ll process and address these issues together. We will work to heal resentments, uncover and address underlying problems, and create new, healthier ways of showing up for each other in your relationship.
You both want to feel valued in your relationship. You want to feel seen, heard, and understood. You want to work together and be partners, not roommates.
That’s what I can help you do.
Couples therapy is for you, if…
You keep having the same fight, different day
The argument changes. The feelings don’t. You’re stuck in a loop neither of you knows how to break. And it’s exhausting both of you.
Life transitions are exposing fault lines
A new baby. Career changes. Loss. Relocation. Empty nest. Stress has a way of surfacing what was always quietly there. All of a sudden you’re navigating your relationship and unresolved issues that have been simmering for years.
You no longer feel close
You’re functioning together - co-parenting, co-existing, co-managing life. But the intimacy, the sense of being known, has faded into the background.
One of you has shut down emotionally
Withdrawal, stonewalling, emotional numbness. One of you started to build walls because it hurt too much to stay open.
You’re recovering from a rupture
Something happened - a betrayal, a disclosure, a moment (or many) in time that broke trust. You’re not sure whether to stay or go, but you want supportive space to figure it out.
You’re questioning whether the relationship is repairable
You need a supportive space to figure out whether the relationship can survive whatever it is life threw your way.
What to expect in couples therapy…
It’s important that we establish a strong foundation of understanding where you and your relationship started as we begin couples therapy together. Our first 4 weeks are structured to build that foundation.
Week 1
You and your partner join me for an initial introduction to your relationship history and what’s bringing you to therapy. This is a 90-minute initial session.
Week 2
I meet with each partner individually to learn about your family histories and how you grew up, since these early experiences can have a big impact on our adult lives whether we realize that or not. This is a 90-minute session; I meet with each partner for 45 minutes.
Week 3
We come back together to begin goal setting. This is a collaborative exercise where we identify what you hope to get out of couples therapy. This is a 90-minute session.
Week 4+
We use the goals established in week 3 to guide our sessions. Ninety-minute sessions are recommended for couples therapy. We can decide together what session length works best for you.
FAQs about marriage and couples therapy in Minnesota
Do we really need couples therapy?
Have you tried fixing and patching things up yourself, and it didn’t work? Choosing to go to therapy is a big decision. It is perfectly fine to feel unsure about couples therapy. I offer a no-obligation consultation where we can address your questions and determine if this is the right next step for you.
Are we going to talk about emotions?
Emotions are part of being human. Recognizing and naming them helps in not letting them take over. When you start noticing what you do when you feel a specific emotion, you can change it. Which in turn provides a different (better) result.
Isn’t couples therapy for people on the brink of divorce?
Imagine you have a house. It’s been a great house. Then life happened, storms came. You now have a shaky foundation, cracking walls and the roof is leaking. You could let this house fall apart. But you care for this house. You want to give it a chance. So you invest time, care and money to renovate it. And that’s what couples therapy does for your relationship - it gives you space to nurture your relationship and give it the love and care it deserves.
Are you going to take sides?
My role is an active facilitator. I may take sides. Relationships are not simply 50/50, and being a neutral therapist doesn’t help your relationship. In developmental model of couples therapy, the therapist is an active guide, confronting negative, dysfunctional patterns, and intervening to help you both move toward healthier relationship.
How do we get started?
Getting started is simple. Schedule a consultation - we’ll walk through the next steps and I’ll answer any questions along the way.
